my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
