i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
