Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
