I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
