third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
