haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
