big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
