just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize