you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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