you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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