No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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