FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
