my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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