all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
