I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
