it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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