So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
