Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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