Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
