happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
