I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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