Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
