I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
