I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I intend to get homeless drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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