He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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