he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
