Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
