dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
