under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
