I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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