u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
