I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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