rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
