I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
