I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
