I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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