We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
