dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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