The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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