The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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