DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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