Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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