Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
