An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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