but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
