Can i not drive my cunt home
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Randomize
