sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
