i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
