we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
