She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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