just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
