You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
