I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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