I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they need to just BURY HIM!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
