Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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