my sisters under your porch take her home
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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