Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
