I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
