I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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