i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
