So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
