fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
