If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize