So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize