you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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