mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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