i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize