Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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