**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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