...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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