i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
