My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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