I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
