Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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