Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
