Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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